Monday, July 10, 2017

Mom Guilt

Mom guilt is a pretty rough thing.  Today I am feeling it a bit more than normal.  I'm feeling guilty because we took Noah out for his Birthday lunch at a place that is supposed to be really good about having gluten free options and are careful about cross contamination.  I listened to and trusted our server and as a result Ben ate gluten.  I should have known to double check her and when I did and realized Ben had gotten gluten, I felt so bad for not checking first.  It is not impacting him as much as it has other times, and he is  doing pretty good over all, but I can tell he is in some pain. 

After a full day we finally got home, and I got to work a while on restoring my computer ( my hard drive failed  and  I lost 20% or my data and all my programs).  The new photo software program has a face recognition feature, and I noticed a trend on the pictures of Ben.  Up until he started Kindergarten, he was chubby and bright eyed for the most part.  But then the weight loss and behaviors started to happen.  I knew at the time there was something going on with Ben, and I just could not put my finger on what it was.  In addition to  losing weight, his eyes often had those dark circles under them. The doctor called it allergies and did not think we needed to be concerned about the weight loss, but I wouldn’t let it go.  We finally got him tested for Celiac Disease and that was it.  Looking at this collage the progression of the disease is pretty easy to see.  Ben went from a happy, chubby little boy, to a sometimes happy, sometimes crabby little boy who looked sick, and is now heading back to being a chubby little boy as he has gained 10 pounds in the last 6 months. 

The photo in the center is the one that caught my eye the most and made me realize how bad he must have felt while is little body was not absorbing nutrients.  More Mom guilt.  I should have caught it earlier.  I am taking photos of him all the time.  Why wasn’t I comparing them to past photos? 

The first row of the collage above  shows him as what appears to be a healthy 3-5 year old. 

The second row shows him when the celiac started to become an issue and one photo from right after diagnosis.  6-8

The third row shows him on the road to recovery, age 8 to present, and able to gain weight and take in nutrients again.   

Thanks to the new photo software, I should be able to compare photos and plan to do so from here on out.  But there is still mom guilt……..

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